And now it’s time for “this was in the drafts”, where Mary finds a post that was in the drafts and it is finally published.
It is April 2, 2024. April 2 is very far away from 2023. But, and this is a big but, I meant to put fingers on keyboard a LONG time ago and never had a free evening when I remembered to do anything about it.
So, here we are now. Welcome, to the 2023 year in review.
Continue readingHappy New Year! Here we are, 2023. It is really quite odd to be in the year 2023. It always seemed like such a distant, futuristic time in all the movies from the 90s. And yet, here we are, living the future. 2022 was a very memorable year for me (and for Nick). There were ups and there were downs. But, what kind of blog writer would I be if I didn’t reflect on all of it? Right, a bad one, I know. So, let’s review!
Continue readingHi what’s up hello it’s…me. Back again.
So many of the things have happened! Ha, as if that’s not obvious. It’s been what, 3 years? Ok, two and a half. Not great, not great at all.
Apart from the pandemic (wash your hands, kids), not much is different over here. No, I’m totally kidding. All the things are different. Actually, you know what? Let’s break out an old friend. Because, after all, a picture is worth a thousand words (probably more than that in this case, but we will say at least 1000 words) And, it’ll be easier and more fun to do it all this way.
Continue reading
In my family we have a Christmas tradition. Well, we have quite a few, but there is one in particular we are talking about here: Stockings. There are a lot of stocking traditions in the Wilcox Family. We are allowed to open our stockings before everyone else is awake. This was a big deal when we were little, but the last few Christmases, my mom has had to wake us all up. Oops. Recently, we started to receive one present along with our stocking, and then all the little things in our stockings. For example, one year I got a CD player (I know, I know, cool kid coming through), and in 2006, I got an official Team USA Torino Olympics jacket.
(SIDE NOTE: I actually still feel bad about that one because I threw a fit about wanting it so badly and not getting it. And then it appeared under my stocking that Christmas morning. It was 13 years ago, I still feel bad. I really am sorry mom and dad.)
Ok, so we get the picture. It’s always really fun to guess what the present will be, because I never can guess. Like this past Christmas. I NEVER would have guessed. On December 25, 2018, I walked upstairs, into the living room, and looked at my stocking. There was a yellow and blue pinewood derby car with my stocking. I had seen the car before, my dad had worked on it and was very proud of it. When I saw the car, I thought two things:
That’s all I thought. That it was just a car. And didn’t mean anything. Well. I was wrong. Continue reading
I wrote this as I was leaving my last job, but it never saw the light of day. Now, it has.
“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.”
I remember very vividly where I was when I got a phone call, asking for a few more details. I was laying on the floor at my parent’s house, my brother was sitting on me. It was August 2015. Later that day, I got an email with an offer letter attached. I saw it, read it, and immediately started crying. After all this time, I finally found a job. I walked down the hall to my mom’s room, and showed her.
On September 15, 2015, I walked in to my new job. I sat down and was immediately overwhelmed. But I quickly learned. I quickly got my footing and got to work.
On September 28, 2018, I turned in my badge, having learned as much as I can in 3 years, and will never return to my once new job as an employee.
I’m scared, I’m nervous, I’m relieved, I’m overjoyed, I’m sad. Yes, I am sad.
Every day, I walked into that building, and I knew someone would be there to say hello, or good morning, or ask me where I wanted to go for lunch. Every day there was someone who cared about me, not just the work. Every day there was someone who would look at me and not have to say the words, that we were being tasked with the impossible, and asked to do it happily (or, without too much complaining). That the company for which we worked was a completely ridiculous place that asked all the hard questions, at sometimes the wrong times, and we always had to be ready. To answer, to pivot, to provide data, to implement. Constantly be ready, usually at all hours. Every day, we were all together, trying to become bigger, faster, more efficient, but always together.
And now, I’ve walked away. I’m not sad to leave the hectic “all hours of the day” nature, I’m sad to leave the people who surrounded me everyday. Those who supported me, those who had the courage to tell me I was wrong, those who had even more courage to tell me how to be better. Those who listened when things got tough, and those who would look at me and laugh when things got ever more ridiculous.
When I made the decision to leave, I thought it would be easy. It hasn’t been as easy as I thought. Sure, offboarding all my work was relatively easy. But saying goodbye to the friends I made and the people I saw everyday for 3 year was so much more difficult than I ever thought it would be.
Sure, I still talk to people I worked with quite often, but it’s not quite the same. And yes, I have moved on, and for me, it has been the best change. But that doesn’t make it any less hard.
On June 13, 2018, I opened my eyes and looked up at the ceiling of my parent’s basement. It was early. I was totally nervous. I quickly got up and got ready to go because it was a special day. Probably the most special day in a long time. I went upstairs, told my mom I was ready to go, and we got in the car and left the house. I knew when I came back to the house, I would be a changed person. On our way there, I looked at my mom and said, “I’m really nervous. I know I don’t need to be, but I am.”
She looked at me and said, “It’s okay to be nervous, but you don’t need to be. It’ll be okay.”
As she turned right and we saw our final destination, I knew she was right. We pulled into the parking lot of the Billings Montana Temple. I took a deep breath to steady myself, and we walked into the temple. I had spent a lot of time getting ready for this morning, but I still had no idea what to expect. I was there to receive my own endowment. I thought I was ready, I had prepared to be teachable as well as present.
3 hours later, when we exited the temple, I was a changed person, but I also didn’t feel different at all. I think I was expecting to be a completely different person, and that my life would be changed in an instant. I was wrong, I was still the same person, but I was also different. I was still the same person, but my perspective was different.
And honestly, I’m glad it’s different. Continue reading
I’m going back to college. Yes, seriously.
A little while ago, I realized that I could have my cake and eat it too. Meaning, I could really do whatever I wanted with my own life, especially when it came to my education. I could not only do whatever I wanted, it was encouraged. If that meant going back to school for more business, then that was that, but we all know that’s not my first choice.
I want something different. Completely different. And that’s scary, but I have to give it a shot.
So that’s what I’m going to do. I’ve already started. I am now a second bachelor’s student, studying physics.
Like I said, I’m scared. Well, it’s more like I’m completely terrified. I’m worried I’ll completely fail, I’m worried it will be too hard. I’m worried I’m not smart enough. I’m worried I’ll burn out and lose sight of why I’m going any of this. I’m still trying to decide if my desire to be smarter is greater than my courage.
College was hard the first time, I know it will be even harder the second time. I’m trying to try the mindset of one semester at a time; one class at a time.
There is a hockey writer in Canada, Elliotte Friedman. Every week during the hockey season, he writes a blog post called, “31 Thoughts”, wherein he writes one thought about every single NHL team for the week. This could be about how the team is performing, what they could improve, whatever about the team.
Well. I’m turning 26 today. And as I’ve thought about year 25, I thought it might be fun to do a “30 Thoughts” about myself, and what I’ve learned, need to improve on, or realized in the past year.
It’s weird to me that I’m turning 26. 25 I could see, but somehow, making it past the halfway through my 20’s is so very odd to me. I think it is because this means I am no longer a young woman or even a child. I have now crossed the threshold into full fledged adulthood.
And that is too weird. Well, can’t knock it ’til I try it.
I’m taking an institute class this semester. It is called “Jesus Christ and the Everlasting Gospel”. A few weeks ago, I don’t really remember what we were talking about, but the subject of nets came up. Now, nets are typically referred to in the scriptures as fishing nets. But, my teacher reviewed a different concept of nets, with help from Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin.
Elder Wirthlin says:
“Nets are generally defined as devices for capturing something. In a more narrow but more important sense, we might define a net as anything that entices or prevents us from following the call of Jesus Christ, the Son of the living God.
Nets in this context can be our work, our hobbies, our pleasures, and, above all else, our temptations and sins. In short, a net can be anything that pulls us away from our relationship with our Heavenly Father or from His restored Church.” (“Follow Me“, April 2002 General Conference)
As we discussed this, one thing stood out. Our work can be a net. Something that can ensnare us and drag use away from our Heavenly Father and Christ. And then something came to me, something I never thought I would get an answer to.
I’ve had a few experiences where I have had to decline jobs. Both times have been when I thought I was ready to move on from my current circumstance, ready for something new. And yet, I felt it wasn’t the right thing for me to do at the time. I felt I couldn’t take the job, but I never knew why. I had to find the faith to say, “Okay, I am not going to take this job, but I don’t know why.” Because I didn’t, until that night in institute.
I realized that both of those jobs that I could have taken would have dragged me away from the Gospel. I don’t know if it would have been that extreme, but it certainly felt that way when I thought about it. And, when I thought about it, I realized that no job is worth my relationship with my Savior or with Heavenly Father. I’ll keep those, and just wait for the next job.
I didn’t ever really expect to get a resolution to either of those jobs. I just knew that I couldn’t take them, so I didn’t. But now that I know, it seems to obvious, and a little scary that I was in that position in the first place.
What did Robert Frost say? “I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” Yep. That’s the one. Well…what he said. It has made all the difference.
I did a hard thing this week. I declined a job offer. It was something I wanted, something I had been working toward, but when it came down to it, I decided that it wouldn’t make sense in the long run of my career to take a job that I probably would have been burnt out at sooner rather than later.
So I said, “Thanks, but no thanks.”
I did it, and didn’t really think much of it, but the fact that I now again have to work hard to achieve that change in my life hit me and sort of discouraged me. As I went to push send on the decline email, I said to myself inside my head, “I can do hard things.” That gave me the courage to push send and move on.
I can do hard things. This is something I have been trying to teach myself so I can act when I am in moments of discomfort or moments of hardship. I can do hard things, because I can. Be it ride a scary roller coaster, go to a job interview, start working on a work project, making a decision.
Really anything that I have to do, but don’t really want to, I think, “I can do hard things,” and then I do the thing.
I’m not sure how this started, but I know it started small. I was probably going to do something I perceived as scary, and I wanted to give myself a little confidence boost.
I have used this, as mentioned before, when I have ridden scary roller coasters, when I stepped up to the softball plate, when I went down a water slide, when I walked into a job interview, when I played my violin in church a few months ago. The list goes on and on.
This little mantra isn’t really just to give me confidence, it is also to give me the courage or the comfort to do something I am a little wary of. Because, I know I can do most things, if I put my mind to it, but in the moment, it is more difficult to convince myself of that. It’s more than just a moment of courage. It’s also a reminder of the hard things I have done in the past. When I rode that water slide, I said quietly to myself, “I can do hard things,” but in my head, I thought, “I can because I have before and I will again.” This is just a step to those bigger, more hard things that I can and will do.
I can do hard things because they help me grow as a person. I don’t want to be stagnant, and I’ve often been told that if you aren’t progressing, you are regressing. I don’t want to go where I’ve already been with regards to my growth as an adult. That just seems backwards. If inevitably doing something difficult or uncomfortable will help me take a step forward, as opposed to a step back, then so be it. I don’t mind a moment of discomfort. Oh I totally will still be uncomfortable, but I will still do hard things not for the sake of doing them (at least, not all the time), but also for the sake of my own progression.
So the next time you see me do something brave, be it big or small, or even if it isn’t something brave, but something I might be uncomfortable with, you will know that in my head, or maybe whispered to myself, I have said, “I can do hard things.”
Because I can, and I will. Just watch.
And then I found $5 and everyone made fun of me 