Let’s get one thing straight right now: I really like my birthday. I just really like cake and presents and people being excited not just for me but with me for a day. It’s awesome. Every year, I seem to make a birthday list earlier and earlier. My birthday is in October. In FEBRUARY this year, I was talking to my mother and this happened:
Me: Mom, I know it is February and my birthday isn’t for 8 months. But I know what I want. Can I tell you?
Mom: Yeah, if you want. (She also kinda chuckled. The “Silly Mary” chuckle…I get it a lot. I kinda like it. Haha)
Me: Ok. I want to go to Disneyland. And I want a Manhasset music stand. Like a good, quality music stand.
Mom: Ok, I’ll be sure to remember that. (And again, she chuckled. Let me say this right now: this chuckle is not bad. It kinda sounds like it is, but it totally is exactly the opposite.)
Now, my mom is the best. She really doesn’t ever forget things. So I’m sure she remembers this conversation as clear as I can remember it.
(She is also probably reading this. Hi mom!)
I don’t know if I’ll get my trip to Disneyland. I want it, but that doesn’t mean I’ll get it. I don’t get everything I want–far from actually. And that’s good. But I’m not sure how much I want it anymore. Let’s be honest. What I really really want is the resources to be able to go wherever I want, whenever I want. But I think that is something we’d all like to have.
On a more serious note, there is something else I want as much as a trip to Disneyland this year. And the thing about this is I can’t seem to find the bravery to tell my mom that I want it. I don’t know why. When I said before my mom is the best it’s because she is. She is also the nicest and most understanding mom ever. I think the reason is that I know that the thing I want is silly and a bit far-flung. I don’t want to risk being laughed at (by my own mother…as if that would happen). For some odd reason I am not brave enough to tell my mom what I want, but I’m brave enough to tell the ENTIRE INTERNET. Yeah, that makes sense. I know my logic is broken, but I’m sticking with it. Maybe it’s because this thing I want is silly and I know for a fact that I won’t get it.
What I really, really want this year for my birthday/Christmas/whatever is to go to the United States Grand Prix. Yes, the Formula 1 race. At the Circuit of the Americas. In Austin, Texas. In November. Yes, that one.
Honestly, I just want to go to the race. Just on Sunday. That’s all.
The funny thing about this is, I didn’t even know what Formula 1 was back in February when I told my mom I wanted to go to Disneyland. That is completely true. But, very, very recently, I discovered F1. A couple of weeks ago at work, someone asked me how I go into racing. I told her this:
I was born in Indiana. The Indy 500 was always kinda a big deal for us. We try to watch every year. A couple of years ago, I realized that the season lasts all year. I started to follow it all year long. Then this year, the Indy 500 and the Monaco Grand Prix were at the exact same time. I decided to watch both. I didn’t succeed. I ended up at church during both races. I kept up with the 500 via twitter, but then I watched the Monaco encore later that day. Two laps in and I was instantly hooked. The speed and precision and beauty of the cars and the sheer amount of science and engineering that has gone in to every single car. It’s become a bit of an obsession–not just Formula 1, but also IndyCar. I just love it.
The girl who asked me seemed impressed. I meant what I said. Both IndyCar and Formula 1 have become an obsession. I follow all the teams on twitter. I follow some of them on instagram and facebook. YouTube has a new meaning, because I can watch race highlights and interviews with drivers. My laptop background is an F1 car in Monaco. And when I get sick of that, I have a ton more to choose from saved to my computer.
Now, don’t worry. I won’t let this become an unhealthy obsession. And besides, I have always enjoyed sports, so now I just have one more to keep up with. It’s fun for me to be a fan of so many sports. I honestly do enjoy it.
Usually, when I do send my mom a birthday list, it will start out with one or two things and then I will add to it as it grows closer to my birthday. I know it seems silly, but I feel like options are a good thing. Hehe
So, even though I probably won’t go to the COTA for the US Grand Prix this year, at least now I’ve told someone (who isn’t my teddy bear) that I want to go.
Oh. Dear. That last statement was a little pathetic. Whoops. And after all of this, I think I figured out why I didn’t have the
courage (no, that seems too strong) bravery to tell my mom. It’s not that I’m not brave enough, it’s that I don’t want to get my hopes up. Which, strangely, seems even more cowardly. Because I know, with my imagination, I will think, for however brief a moment, that I will get to go to the race. And those 5 minutes that I allow myself to think that I am actually going will be a lot of fun. So there we have it.
And it is still too early to tell my mom what I want for my birthday…IN OCTOBER.
(I hope you are still reading mom. I know you don’t think I’m too silly. I love you.)